Tuesday, October 26, 2004


Swimming is great for couples. It feels good and is wonderful
exercise. If you don't have access to a private pool, most
communities have a nice public facility for a small cost. Spend some
time laughing, splashing, swimming and just having fun while getting
your heart rate up. If you have kids, all but the littlest can

Monday, October 25, 2004

Tell Her About It

People forget. Emotionally, everyone lives in the present. The past
is gone and cannot be changed. The future is a long way off. The
only real existence, at an emotional level, is now. Keep this in
mind while considering romance with your sweetie.

Billy Joel

sings a song called "Tell Her About It". Mostly one would not seek
advice from pop music on relationships, unless its bad advice you
seek. The theme of this song goes right to the point though. Even if
you have told your sweetie many, many times that you love them, they
still need to hear it again and often. Emotionally we think "Sure,
you said you loved me yesterday, but what about today?". Is it
logically? No. Does it make sense? No.

Unless you remember that emotions don't deal with the past very well.
Its the higher areas of reasoning that understand the more abstract
concepts of time. But, emotions tend to overrule reasons. So even
though your sweetie "knows" you love them, they might not "feel" loved
at the moment. Feeling almost always takes precedence over knowing.

Help you sweetie know you love them by letting them feel loved by you.
In other words, "Tell Her About It".

Friday, October 22, 2004

Fortune Cookie Game

Prepare a a bunch of small, fortune cookie size, strips of paper with
sayings like:
* Tell what you find most attractive about your sweetie.
* Express gratitude for something your sweetie has done
* If you could go on a vacation anywhere, where would it be?
* You are going to be stranded an island together, what would you take?

Be creative. The "fortunes" should be about hopes, dreams and
aspirations. Also they need to include suggestions on giving a
compliment and also to remember shared moments together.

Then, for each "fortune", take a fortune cookie and wrap it in a damp
paper towel and microwave for 30 seconds. Quickly and carefully open
the softened cookie, remove the original fortune and replace it with
your own fortune. Reshape and hold the cookie until it gets hard

Now spend some time together as a couple taking turns opening the
fortune cookies and doing as the fortune directs. This can be a lot
of fun for just the couple or for the whole family.

Thursday, October 21, 2004


For a fun evening at home, have a pretend blackout. Just don't use
anything has to be plugged in to work. This includes: TV, computer,
stereo, lights, oven, microwave, etc. Do leave the fridge running
though. Use flash lights, lanterns, or whatever. Spend the time
normally devoted to TV talking, telling stories and playing games.

Note: be careful when using candles that they are not unattended.
Also, do not use anything in the house that requires propane or
kerosene. It can build up carbon monoxide.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004


Most people have hobbies. These of course include stamp collecting,
bird watching, photography, fishing and so on. It might even be
writing or following a particular football team. Whatever it is, your
sweetie probably has one and you probably know what it is. If you
don't know what your sweetie's hobby is, find out.

Just as likely, your sweetie does not have time to pursue that hobby.
With the demands of marriage, kids, career and everything else which
fills our lives, most of us have precious little time to pursue our
own interests. Often, we feel guilty about spending time on doing "my
thing". The result being we put those things aside for a long time.

Another common thing is that we don't have same hobby as our spouse.
He's into football and she likes gardening or something like that.
This is another reason people put hobbies aside. What little free
time people have, most would rather spend it with their sweetie. It
often ends up a decision of whether to spend time on the hobby or the
spouse. Most people choose spouse.

As a special treat for your sweetie, you should enable them to enjoy
both their hobby and your company. Lets take the case where your
sweetie likes to watch the Rams play football but never seems to have
time to sit and watch a game. Find out when the Rams are playing and
arrange a "football date" at home. Make nachos or popcorn or whatever
the favorite football treat is. Invite a couple of friends over to
watch the game game on TV with you. The idea is to allow some guilt
free time to enjoy both the game and your companionship.

This is just one example, but the same principle can work with any
hobby. The idea is three-fold: first, remove the guilt associated
with spending time on a hobby instead of something else; second,
participate to some extent in the hobby so it can end up being "us
time" as well as "my thing"; and third, do something to encourage the
hobby. This can be making necessary arrangements or by buying
something useful to the hobby.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

I Treasure You Chest

Get a small recipe card box. Decorate and personalize it for your
sweetie. Inside place a single index card that says something like,
"This is an 'I Treasure You Chest' where you can store your 'treasure
cards'. Each card tells how much I treasure you".

Then, every so often leave an index card somewhere where your sweetie
will find it. On the card write a little something. It could be the
line from a song, a thank you for something your sweetie did, a
verse from the Bible, a quote on love, line from a movie or just your
own special thought. One fun idea is to spread a poem over several
cards. Make some serious and some funny. Your sweetie can place all
the cards in the "I Treasure You Chest" and can read over them
whenever they feel a need for a boost.

For a nice addition, you can get small stickers that say "I Love You"
or are in the shape of a heart. Place a sticker on each card before
hiding it or delivering it.

Monday, October 18, 2004


We often hear that a marriage should be 50-50. Each partner should
contribute half to the relationship. By implication, each partner
would then withhold 50% from the relationship as well. Consider a
football team. If each member of the team does his half best, would
this team go very far?

A marriage is the ultimate team. Each member of the team needs to
give it 100%. The husband needs to be 100% dedicated to the wife and
the wife 100% dedicated to the spouse and both need to be 100%
dedicated to the marriage. Just as players on a football team need to
be 100% dedicated to the team.

"Wait!" you say, "I can add. 100% + 100% = 200% How can a single
person give 200%. That's just crazy talk". Welcome to the concept
of synergy. By dedicating yourself completely to your spouse, and
your spouse doing the same, you create synergy.

You are able to do more as a team than either of you can do alone.
Its like in those war movies when one soldier says "I got your back".
They then stand back to back and face the oncoming enemy. Each knows
he doesn't need to worry about what's behind him as his partner has
that under control.

In a marriage, each partner is responsible for certain tasks. On a
football team there are different positions played by different
people. Each needs to know what is expected and trust the other team
members to do their part as well. By guarding each other's back, you
and your sweetie can remain 100% focused on the position you have to
fill in the relationship knowing that you won't be blindsided because
your partner has his postilion filled as well.

Who decides what position each partner plays? What if you don't trust
your spouse to guard your back? Those are great a topics for other

Friday, October 15, 2004

Read the Good Book

One aspect of a marriage that is often overlooked is the spiritual
aspect of the relationship. With the pressing demands of the both the
physical and the emotional needs, the spiritual needs of a couple can
be overlooked or dismissed altogether. There is always so many
things that need doing. Then what little time is left is usually
dedicated to meeting emotional needs.

Take time to add a spiritual component to your life and your
relationship. A great way to do this is to read from the scriptures
together. For those who already have some religion or belief, take
some time to study your holy books together as a couple. By
fulfilling the spiritual needs, you can add a new dimension to your
relationship that you did not know you were missing.

Even if you do not consider any writing be "The Word of God", your
relationship can still benefit. Just pick one of the standard
religious texts, be it the Bible, Koran, or some Eastern text. By
studying it together you will learn more about yourself and each

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Batter Up!

Have you ever been to one of those batting cages? The ones around
here have different cages with pitching machine that throw either
softballs or regular baseballs. The pitching is either fast, medium
or slow. The slow pitch was slow enough that even a first grader
was able to hit it a couple of times. Each of you can take turns
hitting a few pitches while the other provides the cheering section.
A great way for the just the two of you or the whole family to have a
good time and not spend too much money.

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

Sunrise, Sunset

With fall here, the sun is getting up later and going to bed earlier
each day. The next couple of weeks, before the shift in daylight
savings, are a great time to do something few couples take time to do:
watch the sun rise. The sun is coming up pretty late so you don't
have to get up early. Have yourselves a warm breakfast. Then make
some nice hot cocoa and go outside and spend a few minutes counting
the stars, watching them disappear, and seeing the sun peep over the

Can't manage a sunrise? Try a sunset instead. Sunsets are also worth a
few minutes with your sweetie. If you have the kids along, have them
try and name all the colors they see.

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

How About a Foot Rub

Most everyone loves their feet rubbed. We stand on them, walk on
them, jump on them and otherwise abuse our feet all day long. So, its
no surprise that a little pampering of the feet goes a long way toward
making your sweetie feel pampered all over. Rubbing them with a nice
peppermint lotion just before bed seems to work well.

As a matter of fact, there's a method to the whole foot rub. There
are those who claim that like acupuncture, reflexology
contributes to the health of the whole body. In reflexology, each
area of the foot is mapped to some other area of the body. For
example if you have a head cold, then rubbing the "sinus" section of
the foot, the pads of the toes, is supposed to help. Does it really
work? Try it and find out. The worst that could happen is your
sweetie gets a nice foot rub out of the deal.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Make 'em Laugh

Do you remember "Singing in the Rain"? The "Make 'em Laugh" scene is
one of the most memorable of the movie. One of the reasons that the
movie holds up so well is that in today's world of movie-magic and
computer effects, is that that scene of dancing and slap-shtick is still a joy
to watch. I just laugh and say, "How did he do that?"
Maybe I should have included "Singing in the Rain" in the romantic
movies post, but I digress.

Tonight, make your sweetie have a good laugh. While jokes are good
for a laugh, a personal anecdote is better. Better yet is
recalling an experience that you have shared like the time during
your honeymoon when the the waitress looked at you and exclaimed
"Slob!". Then she came back and said "Keep it on you plate or in your
mouth!". That one still makes us both bust-up laughing whenever we think about it.

Saturday, October 09, 2004

Holding Hands Improved

What is nicer than holding hands? You can do it almost anywhere, at
anytime, while doing most any activity. You can hold hands while
walking, waiting, watching, and any time you want to let your sweetie
know you are there. If you haven't held hands for a while, try it.

However, even the simple act of holding hands can be improved upon.
Next time you are holding hands with your sweetie, give them 3 small
squeezes. When they look at you, do it again, but this time say "I"
with the first squeeze, "love" with the second, and "you" with the
third. Now you have a way to tell your sweetheart that you love them
whenever you want, even when you can't talk. A private, secret
message you can send whenever you want to or your sweetie needs it.

Thanks sweetie

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Season to Fall In Love

What a great time of year autumn is. The weather has cooled off and
in many parts of the country the trees are doing a slow motion
fireworks display. Here in our neck of the woods there are several
"scenic loops" that are famous for the fall colors. I took off early
from work and took the wife on one of the scenic loops. The fall
colors were amazing against the deep green of the evergreens. We even
spotted a couple of moose near the top. It will be one of those times
we will remember and talk about for quite many years.

Be sure and bring a camera and get some pictures of each other in the
fall beauty. Take some time to get out of the car and walk among the
trees and the leaves. The smell of the cool air, the colors of the
trees, the crunch of the leaves underfoot, and the feel of holding
hands make these moments a feast for the senses.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Piecing it together

Get a favorite photo of the two of you together. Take it and make a
copy of it. Then write on the back of it why this pictures means so
much to you. Be sure to include that your sweetie is still very
important to you. Then cut it up as a jigsaw puzzle, put it in an
envelope, and mail it to you sweetie.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Caramel Apples

With it being fall, apples are in season. What better way to spend
some time together than with caramel apples? They are a delightful
treat, not too sweet and mostly good for you. There are several ways
to enjoy them.

  • Go to one of the "gourmet" candy places in town together. They
    usually have gourmet caramel apples in a variety a of flavors that
    they will will cut into slices for you. Be bold, be daring, pick a
    flavor have never tried and share it together. These candy stores are
    often in a shopping mall so the apple can be a part of an evening of
    holding hands, window shopping, laughing and trying something new.
  • Pick up a gourmet caramel apple on the way home and surprise your
    sweetie. Take turns sharing and feeding each other.
  • At most grocery stores they have caramel apple kits in the fruit
    department by the apples. These include sheets of caramel and sticks.
    Basically you wrap the apple with the caramel, harpoon it with the
    stick and nuke it for a few seconds. Try buying one each of several
    varieties of apples and have a taste test of which variety makes the
    best treat.

Monday, October 04, 2004

Date Night

Remember when you were dating how much fun it was? As importing as
dating is for courtship, it is just as important for married couples.
Are you the same person you before you were married? Is your spouse
the same person you married? Since the only constant in the universe
is change, it stands to reason that each of you have changed. What
better way to keep from feeling "who is this person" than dating.
Dating is how you each learned about each other in the first place.

Dates have the following benefits:

  • Shared experiences. Some "we" time is important
  • A chance to talk
  • Have fun together
  • Laugh
  • Continue to get to know each other.

Friday, October 01, 2004


Touch is an important part of a relationship. Some people suggest
that we need eight or more hugs a day for proper sense of self and
well-being. An added benefit is that by giving a hug, you are
receiving the same benefit as the recipient. How many hugs have you
given your sweetie in the past week? Try to work up to eight in one
day and see if it doesn't make you both feel better.