Showing posts from 2004


What better tradition is there than being expected to kiss your sweetie for no other reason than just standing in the right spot? If you don't have any mistletoe hung up, go get some soon. Christmas is almost here and you don't want to miss out. Be sure to put it somewhere where you will often be together. Even better, get two, one for the bedroom and one for the kitchen (or wherever you often meet up). Now to the good part, the kissing. What sort of kiss should you do under the mistletoe? As many sorts as you can think of. One time give her a peck on the cheek. Next time, give her a toe-curling whopper. Be sure to mix it up with kisses to her cheeks, lips, nose, hands, neck, etc. Whatever you do, do not become predictable. Keep her guessing how she is going to be kissed next. Spice up your repertory by throwing butterfly kisses and Eskimo kisses into the mix for a greater variety of surprises. Also, add various other aspects to the kiss. Perform one kiss while ho

Sharing a secret

Admit it, there are some "secrets" that you share with your sweetie. Not the "dirty laundry" kind of secrets, but the fun secrets that no one knows about. Things like that one song that is "your song" or that little restaurant that no one knows about but has a great Italian food and the accordion player on Friday nights. The secret discoveries that couples share over the years are what these shared secrets are all about. One fun shared secret can be a movie. It needs to be a movie that is not the most popular movie du jour. It needs to be a movie that no one knows about, or its not a secret. It can be a fun independent movie that you see at some film festival. Also, DVDs can make for some "shared secret" movies. Just be adventuresome and try a movie you have not seen before. Romantic comedies are often the best for a couple who want to enjoy watching a movie and being together. If you want a suggestion, let me recommend "Our Hospita

The Danger of a Grand Gesture

Maybe its just a guy thing, but I love to give my sweetie extravagant gifts. Maybe I hark back to the caveman days when bringing home a squirrel would keep you from starving but not much else. However, a woolly mammoth will keep your sweetie well fed and warm for a quite while. Also, its an ego boost to have my sweetie show off my latest purchase. Come to think of it, its not just a guy thing. My sweetie loves to lavish me with expensive gifts and toys. Maybe its just that we get such enjoyment out of seeing our sweetheart happy. And obviously the more money I spend the happier she will be. Right? I have learned to keep these Neanderthal impulses under control. Buying an expensive gift can do more harm to your romantic life than it does good. Often, a small, but thoughtful token of love is better than an expensive one. Seems counter-intuitive so lets explore. First, take into account the family budget. If you spend so much on a gift that it adversely affects the cash flow si

Cut a Rug

When was the last time you danced with your sweetie? If you are like most couples, you can't remember that far back. Tonight, clear a spot and find some music of varying tempos. It is as important to have some up-tempo music as well as the "bear hug" music. Then, spend a few minutes dancing with your sweetheart. Dancing is great for your both your hearts - the physical one and the romantic one. For the physical heart, it is a wonderful aerobic activity that will get your heart rate up. It burns lots of calories and gets those endorphins going to make you feel good. But don't forget the romantic heart. By the end of just a couple of dances you both will be smiling, laughing and really enjoy being with each other. Not only that, there is a lot of touching: hugs, holding hands, the "bump" and so on. No better recipe for romance was ever written. What about the kids? Unless you have teenage sons, they will be jumping right in. Kids know a good time w

A Frosty Message

With the weather getting colder, scraping frost off the car windows is becoming part of the morning ritual. If your sweetie has to scrape the frost off the windows before leaving, you have a couple of opportunities to surprise your sweetie. One thing to do is to write a message to your sweetie in the frost on the windows. The message could be a heart with both your initials in it. Keep it simple and short so the letters can be large and easily seen. On another day, sneak out and scrape the windows for your sweetie. Leave a note on the steering wheel. Something like: "Your smile warms a frosty morning".

Comfort an Ailing Sweetie

My sweetie has been under the weather the last few days. Being the gallant husband I am, it is difficult to not be able to don my shiny armor and ride to her rescue on my snowy white steed. Many times during our marriage I have felt helpless because there is nothing I can do to "make it all better". No matter how many dragons I might slay, my sweetie is still going to have a cold. I have learned that just because you can't fix it all, doesn't mean you can't do something. Last night that something was buying a dozens roses that were on sale at the store and renting a movie. Even though I can't make it better, I can remind her I am thinking of her and her needs.


Find a time when you need to ask your sweetie a question. Instead of just asking it, write it on a piece of paper. Preface your question with a compliment like: Sweetie, You have lovely eyes, I am so lucky to have you. Where is the sugar? XOXOXOX

Treasure Box

During the years of a couple's marriage, they gather momentos. These little tokens of particularly special times in our lives don't cost a lot. However, they can mean a lot to a couple because the the memories associated with them. Life is busy and this little things can get lost or overlooked. Get yourself a box for these little treasures. Make it a nice box, like a jewelry box. Put all your special trinkets in the box. Then on your anniversary, open the box and share those moments again. Make a point of adding something new to the box at least once a year.

Create your own holiday

Days off work are precious things. We only get so few a year that we often hoard them. To completely surprise your sweetie, take a day off work just to spend together. You need not have any special plans, just spending a day together can convert the most mundane chores to into quality us time. Of course, if you can do something to get away for a few hours, that would be great to. Sometimes the kids get a day off from school. For a special family time, take one of those days off and enjoy the day with the kids as well.

Its the thought that counts

In this list and on others you will see many wonderful ideas for expressing love and gratitude to your sweetie. Among all these ideas is a common thread: go one step beyond the normal. Instead of saying the word, "I love you", write it in a note. Instead of just saying "thank you", send a thank-you singing telegram. Why bother? A couple of reasons. First, when you do something outside the ordinary and unexpected, you place yourself at a certain amount of emotional risk. Your sweetie will sense this. This moves you both outside of your combined comfort zone and adds excitement to the relationship. The comfort zone is comfortable but boring. By moving both of you outside of that boring place, a simple yet extra-ordinary act is a simple way of adding excitement to the relationship. Second, as the saying goes, "it is the thought that counts". The more thought and preparation you put into sending your message of love and gratitude, the more it will co

Remember me at work

If your sweetie to work outside the home, hide a nice note to them in their lunch or briefcase. Be sure they will find it while they are away from you. Also be sure to given them a warm welcome home after work. What is a "nice" note? Make romantic and intimate as you want. The more personal the better. Keep in mind that this is the month for Thanksgiving so be sure and express a lot of gratitude.

25 Days of Thanksgiving

Place an empty cornucopia somewhere conspicuous in the house. Maybe on the kitchen table as a centerpiece, maybe in the living room on a coffee table. If you have little ones, keep it out of their reach. Then get a pad of multi-colored paper that is convenient to the cornucopia. From now until Thanksgiving, pay attention to the things your sweetie does for you and your family. When you notice something, write it on a piece of the colored paper. Then fold the note over and place in the cornucopia. Then come Thanksgiving, read the notes of gratitude together as a family. A couple of rules: 1 - No fair peeking. 2 - Put at least one in everyday. 3 - Don't peek at the notes until Thanksgiving day. 4 - Make each note specific. BAD NOTE: laundry GOOD NOTE: On Nov 1 it was so nice to have an ironed shirt to wear to meet the boss. 5 - No peeking until Thanksgiving. This could be great to include the entire family. Everyone could participate by including n


Swimming is great for couples. It feels good and is wonderful exercise. If you don't have access to a private pool, most communities have a nice public facility for a small cost. Spend some time laughing, splashing, swimming and just having fun while getting your heart rate up. If you have kids, all but the littlest can participate.

Tell Her About It

People forget. Emotionally, everyone lives in the present. The past is gone and cannot be changed. The future is a long way off. The only real existence, at an emotional level, is now. Keep this in mind while considering romance with your sweetie. Billy Joel sings a song called "Tell Her About It". Mostly one would not seek advice from pop music on relationships, unless its bad advice you seek. The theme of this song goes right to the point though. Even if you have told your sweetie many, many times that you love them, they still need to hear it again and often. Emotionally we think "Sure, you said you loved me yesterday, but what about today?". Is it logically? No. Does it make sense? No. Unless you remember that emotions don't deal with the past very well. Its the higher areas of reasoning that understand the more abstract concepts of time. But, emotions tend to overrule reasons. So even though your sweetie "knows" you love them, they

Fortune Cookie Game

Prepare a a bunch of small, fortune cookie size, strips of paper with sayings like: * Tell what you find most attractive about your sweetie. * Express gratitude for something your sweetie has done * If you could go on a vacation anywhere, where would it be? * You are going to be stranded an island together, what would you take? Be creative. The "fortunes" should be about hopes, dreams and aspirations. Also they need to include suggestions on giving a compliment and also to remember shared moments together. Then, for each "fortune", take a fortune cookie and wrap it in a damp paper towel and microwave for 30 seconds. Quickly and carefully open the softened cookie, remove the original fortune and replace it with your own fortune. Reshape and hold the cookie until it gets hard again. Now spend some time together as a couple taking turns opening the fortune cookies and doing as the fortune directs. This can be a lot of fun for just the couple or for the


For a fun evening at home, have a pretend blackout. Just don't use anything has to be plugged in to work. This includes: TV, computer, stereo, lights, oven, microwave, etc. Do leave the fridge running though. Use flash lights, lanterns, or whatever. Spend the time normally devoted to TV talking, telling stories and playing games. Note: be careful when using candles that they are not unattended. Also, do not use anything in the house that requires propane or kerosene. It can build up carbon monoxide.


Most people have hobbies. These of course include stamp collecting, bird watching, photography, fishing and so on. It might even be writing or following a particular football team. Whatever it is, your sweetie probably has one and you probably know what it is. If you don't know what your sweetie's hobby is, find out. Just as likely, your sweetie does not have time to pursue that hobby. With the demands of marriage, kids, career and everything else which fills our lives, most of us have precious little time to pursue our own interests. Often, we feel guilty about spending time on doing "my thing". The result being we put those things aside for a long time. Another common thing is that we don't have same hobby as our spouse. He's into football and she likes gardening or something like that. This is another reason people put hobbies aside. What little free time people have, most would rather spend it with their sweetie. It often ends up a decision of wh

I Treasure You Chest

Get a small recipe card box. Decorate and personalize it for your sweetie. Inside place a single index card that says something like, "This is an 'I Treasure You Chest' where you can store your 'treasure cards'. Each card tells how much I treasure you". Then, every so often leave an index card somewhere where your sweetie will find it. On the card write a little something. It could be the line from a song, a thank you for something your sweetie did, a verse from the Bible , a quote on love, line from a movie or just your own special thought. One fun idea is to spread a poem over several cards. Make some serious and some funny. Your sweetie can place all the cards in the "I Treasure You Chest" and can read over them whenever they feel a need for a boost. For a nice addition, you can get small stickers that say "I Love You" or are in the shape of a heart. Place a sticker on each card before hiding it or delivering


We often hear that a marriage should be 50-50. Each partner should contribute half to the relationship. By implication, each partner would then withhold 50% from the relationship as well. Consider a football team. If each member of the team does his half best, would this team go very far? A marriage is the ultimate team. Each member of the team needs to give it 100%. The husband needs to be 100% dedicated to the wife and the wife 100% dedicated to the spouse and both need to be 100% dedicated to the marriage. Just as players on a football team need to be 100% dedicated to the team. "Wait!" you say, "I can add. 100% + 100% = 200% How can a single person give 200%. That's just crazy talk". Welcome to the concept of synergy. By dedicating yourself completely to your spouse, and your spouse doing the same, you create synergy. You are able to do more as a team than either of you can do alone. Its like in those war movies when one soldier says "I got

Read the Good Book

One aspect of a marriage that is often overlooked is the spiritual aspect of the relationship. With the pressing demands of the both the physical and the emotional needs, the spiritual needs of a couple can be overlooked or dismissed altogether. There is always so many things that need doing. Then what little time is left is usually dedicated to meeting emotional needs. Take time to add a spiritual component to your life and your relationship. A great way to do this is to read from the scriptures together. For those who already have some religion or belief, take some time to study your holy books together as a couple. By fulfilling the spiritual needs, you can add a new dimension to your relationship that you did not know you were missing. Even if you do not consider any writing be "The Word of God", your relationship can still benefit. Just pick one of the standard religious texts, be it the Bible, Koran, or some Eastern text. By studying it together you will lea

Batter Up!

Have you ever been to one of those batting cages? The ones around here have different cages with pitching machine that throw either softballs or regular baseballs. The pitching is either fast, medium or slow. The slow pitch was slow enough that even a first grader was able to hit it a couple of times. Each of you can take turns hitting a few pitches while the other provides the cheering section. A great way for the just the two of you or the whole family to have a good time and not spend too much money.

Sunrise, Sunset

With fall here, the sun is getting up later and going to bed earlier each day. The next couple of weeks, before the shift in daylight savings, are a great time to do something few couples take time to do: watch the sun rise. The sun is coming up pretty late so you don't have to get up early. Have yourselves a warm breakfast. Then make some nice hot cocoa and go outside and spend a few minutes counting the stars, watching them disappear, and seeing the sun peep over the horizon. Can't manage a sunrise? Try a sunset instead. Sunsets are also worth a few minutes with your sweetie. If you have the kids along, have them try and name all the colors they see.

How About a Foot Rub

Most everyone loves their feet rubbed. We stand on them, walk on them, jump on them and otherwise abuse our feet all day long. So, its no surprise that a little pampering of the feet goes a long way toward making your sweetie feel pampered all over. Rubbing them with a nice peppermint lotion just before bed seems to work well. As a matter of fact, there's a method to the whole foot rub. There are those who claim that like acupuncture, reflexology contributes to the health of the whole body. In reflexology, each area of the foot is mapped to some other area of the body. For example if you have a head cold, then rubbing the "sinus" section of the foot, the pads of the toes, is supposed to help. Does it really work? Try it and find out. The worst that could happen is your sweetie gets a nice foot rub out of the deal.

Make 'em Laugh

Do you remember "Singing in the Rain"? The "Make 'em Laugh" scene is one of the most memorable of the movie. One of the reasons that the movie holds up so well is that in today's world of movie-magic and computer effects, is that that scene of dancing and slap-shtick is still a joy to watch. I just laugh and say, "How did he do that?" Maybe I should have included "Singing in the Rain" in the romantic movies post , but I digress. Tonight, make your sweetie have a good laugh. While jokes are good for a laugh, a personal anecdote is better. Better yet is recalling an experience that you have shared like the time during your honeymoon when the the waitress looked at you and exclaimed "Slob!". Then she came back and said "Keep it on you plate or in your mouth!". That one still makes us both bust-up laughing whenever we think about it.

Holding Hands Improved

What is nicer than holding hands? You can do it almost anywhere, at anytime, while doing most any activity. You can hold hands while walking, waiting, watching, and any time you want to let your sweetie know you are there. If you haven't held hands for a while, try it. However, even the simple act of holding hands can be improved upon. Next time you are holding hands with your sweetie, give them 3 small squeezes. When they look at you, do it again, but this time say "I" with the first squeeze, "love" with the second, and "you" with the third. Now you have a way to tell your sweetheart that you love them whenever you want, even when you can't talk. A private, secret message you can send whenever you want to or your sweetie needs it. Thanks sweetie

Season to Fall In Love

What a great time of year autumn is. The weather has cooled off and in many parts of the country the trees are doing a slow motion fireworks display. Here in our neck of the woods there are several "scenic loops" that are famous for the fall colors. I took off early from work and took the wife on one of the scenic loops. The fall colors were amazing against the deep green of the evergreens. We even spotted a couple of moose near the top. It will be one of those times we will remember and talk about for quite many years. Be sure and bring a camera and get some pictures of each other in the fall beauty. Take some time to get out of the car and walk among the trees and the leaves. The smell of the cool air, the colors of the trees, the crunch of the leaves underfoot, and the feel of holding hands make these moments a feast for the senses.

Piecing it together

Get a favorite photo of the two of you together. Take it and make a copy of it. Then write on the back of it why this pictures means so much to you. Be sure to include that your sweetie is still very important to you. Then cut it up as a jigsaw puzzle, put it in an envelope, and mail it to you sweetie.

Caramel Apples

With it being fall, apples are in season. What better way to spend some time together than with caramel apples? They are a delightful treat, not too sweet and mostly good for you. There are several ways to enjoy them. Go to one of the "gourmet" candy places in town together. They usually have gourmet caramel apples in a variety a of flavors that they will will cut into slices for you. Be bold, be daring, pick a flavor have never tried and share it together. These candy stores are often in a shopping mall so the apple can be a part of an evening of holding hands, window shopping, laughing and trying something new. Pick up a gourmet caramel apple on the way home and surprise your sweetie. Take turns sharing and feeding each other. At most grocery stores they have caramel apple kits in the fruit department by the apples. These include sheets of caramel and sticks. Basically you wrap the apple with the caramel, harpoon it with the stick and nuke it for a few seconds. Tr

Date Night

Remember when you were dating how much fun it was? As importing as dating is for courtship, it is just as important for married couples. Are you the same person you before you were married? Is your spouse the same person you married? Since the only constant in the universe is change, it stands to reason that each of you have changed. What better way to keep from feeling "who is this person" than dating. Dating is how you each learned about each other in the first place. Dates have the following benefits: Shared experiences. Some "we" time is important A chance to talk Have fun together Laugh Continue to get to know each other.


Touch is an important part of a relationship. Some people suggest that we need eight or more hugs a day for proper sense of self and well-being. An added benefit is that by giving a hug, you are receiving the same benefit as the recipient. How many hugs have you given your sweetie in the past week? Try to work up to eight in one day and see if it doesn't make you both feel better.

Watching a Movie

Of course, spending time watching a movie together can be romantic. But it needs to be a good "couple watchable" movie. If its a pure "chick flick" then he will be bored. On the other hand, violence, gore and flying body parts don't set the proper mood either. The best romantic movies portray the nobility of the human spirit. A few most romantic movies to watch together are: Casablanca A Walk in the Clouds The Mask of Zorro First Knight


Most everyone loves s'mores. What's not to love with the ooey gooey crunchy chocolatey delicacy? Mostly, s'mores are done over a camp fire in the great outdoors. So the smell of the smoke and forest with the sounds of the fire crackling add to the ever all enjoyment of these treats. Even if you are not camping, there are several ways to enjoy them at home. Microware Place a graham cracker on a flat micro-wave safe plate. Then place the chocolate on top of it. Finally, place the marshmallow on the chocolate. Place the plate in the microwave and nuke. WATCH IT CAREFULLY!! It only takes 13 seconds in my microwave at home. The marshmallow will expand like a balloon. Take it out, put the graham cracker on top and share. For added ambience, get one of those scented candles that smells outdoorsy and light it. Maybe even one of those "sounds of wildlife" and a fireplace screen saver. Charcoal S'mores of charcoal briquettes can be a lot of fun. First, it

Take Time to Smile

Often, with the stress of work, we come home less than cheerful. Also, with the stress of chores, kids, school, soccer, piano, etc. etc. etc., our sweetie is also feeling run down by evening. With all the demands on our time and so many things that need out attention, the nightly greeting between sweethearts can lack warmth. Think about it: You two have spent most of the day apart. With sleep, work, school, sports, and all the other things that happen in a standard day, its very easy to let the whole day pass without a single warm smile or flirtatious touch. Make the time that you and your sweetie meet after being apart all day a time to smile. First, perpare yourself. If it has been a stressful day, use the last few minutes before you see your sweetie, to start thinking happy thoughts. Maybe remember a happy time you spent with your sweetie. Now, meeting your sweetheart. Let the first thing your sweethearts sees is a big happy smile. If its been a while since you smiled, the

Covered in warmth

Before your sweetie gets in the shower, start the dryer going with some towels. Just as they are finishing, get 2 towels out of the dryer and place them for your sweetie. A nice warm towel after showering is a luxury they may not have experienced before.

You've Got Romance

Send your special someone a romantic email. Several web sites on the internet allow you to send greetings cards via email. Send one just because you are thinking of them.

The Goal of Life

People like winners; they are fun to be around. We love to cheer for the winning team. In movies, books and sports are examples of people putting it on the line. They step outside the ordinary to do something extrordinary. This sets them apart as someone special. Today its time to get outside the comfort zone. Set yourself some goals to improve yourself. Need to get in better shape? Set a goal. Some skills you are lacking? Set a goal. Then share the goal with that special someone. Make plans with them to help you reach that goal. Then let them cheer you along the way. Share your successes and your diffuculties. As you reach your goals, you can be a winner. As mentioned before, everyone loves a winner.

Romantic Bible Verses

Take a card and write the person's name on it and a Bible reference. The fun is in looking up the verses. I have included a few verses for ideas. Looking them up is left as an exercise to the reader. Song of Solomon - Chapter 2:10-13 Song of Solomon - Chapter 1:15-16 Song of Solomon - Chapter 4:9-15 Proverbs - Chapter 5:18-19 Proverbs 31:10-11

Family Romance

Children and romance don't mix. Most people think that way. Yet, as parents, we love our children very much. So why can't a romantic gesture include the whole family? Well, the answer is it can. A simple example of how this can be accomplished. Purchase a dozen roses. Give one or two to each child. Then have each child deliver their flowers and say somehting like "I know who mommy's boyfriend is". Send each child individually and wait a few minutes in between. Then lastly deliver the rest of the flowers yourself.

An Un-special Occasion Card

People usually think of greetings cards only for "special" occassions like birthdays and Christmas. Special life events like births, deaths, and graduations are also remembered with a greeting card. For the rest of the year, we forget about these little beauties. Next time you are at the store, look at the greetings cards. Note only are there cards for every sort of specail occassion, there are also a bunch of "friendship", "romance" and "thank you" cards. Today's tip is to find one of these cards. If in doubt, a thank you card can't go wrong. Wait until you have no reason whatsoever to send it. Hand write a short message of love and gratitude. Hand address the envelope then stamp it and mail it.

Physical Evidence

"Talk is cheap" or so it has been said. In the area of romance, cheap may be cheap, but it is also necessary. We all need to hear that we are loved and appreciated. And a sincere expression of gratitude is never wrong. However, hearing is just one of the senses. If you can involve the other senses in the expressions of love and gratitude it will be that much more effective and memorable. The tip for today is to leave a short note of love and gratitude to be found at a later time, preferably when you are not around. Write the note on something other than just white paper. If possible, include some small treat. This small act will involve 4 of the 5 senses: the writing and the paper for the eyes, the feel of the paper and the act of unfolding the note for the sense of touch, the treat for both the taste and smell. When several of the senses are included, the message seems more "real". That is, it seems more sincere and it is therefore more enjoyable and mem

Make a note of it

Throughout the year that special someone in your life will make comments like "oh, I've always wanted one of those", "I just know we could never get that" or "maybe someday ...". You get the idea. This is known as hint dropping. When a hint it dropped, make a note of it. First, get yourself a notepad, or just a page in or day planner or some spot in your PDA. Call it your "hint list". Next, whenever a hint is dropped, log it in the hint list. Then, next time you feel like doing something special, take one of the things off the hint list and make it happen.

Look into my eyes

Hold both of her hands and look into her eyes. Hold her gaze until she starts to wonder what you are up to. At that moment, smile and mouth the words "I love you". Finish it off with a great big bear hug.

Small, sweet surprises

Buy several small candies, the one's she really likes, and hide them in various places so she will find them over the course of a week.

Until the last flower fades

Give you sweetheart a dozen real roses and one silk rose with a note that says "I will love you until the last flower fades".


The acronym S.H.M.I.L.Y. works wonderfully.... See How Much I Love You. Using only the acronym, take turns leaving little reminders. Get creative: Write it on the bathroom mirror with soap, or hide a small piece of paper in a sock or shoe, or use oreos on the back window of his/her car... See if you can do it without being too obvious, and try to make it something they won't notice for a little while. Travis

Valentine's Scavenger Hunt

Send your significant other on a scavenger hunt while you stay home and prepare a candlelight dinner. On Valentine's Day, I gave my husband clue cards of where to go and obtain things that I had left there. He had to go to my sister-in-laws and drop off the children, from there he had to go to my mother-in-laws to pick up chocolate covered strawberries, and then over to my mom's to pick up apple cider disguised as a bottle of wine. During that time I was able to get myself and dinner ready and surprise him when he walked through the door. The great thing about this is that it doesn't cost a lot of money and you get to be alone instead of a crowded restaurant. Thanks Aurelia

Ambush Getaway

Pack a few essentials, Include a bottle of sparkling cider with champagne flutes (Plastic of course), arrange for care of the children, Kidnap your spouse and drive to a hotel for a wonderful weekend getaway. Thanks Doug